I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
