Small penises have feelings too.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
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Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize