So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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