how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize