oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
