In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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