I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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