Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize