I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
