why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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