R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
