He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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