Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
