So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
