saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
