Your face is a jimmy john
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
