How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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