Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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