I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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