Pants 0. Shit 1.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
