Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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