i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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