dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You just made me feel so damn special
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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