You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
