I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
