i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
