i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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