12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
