I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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