I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
