Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
50% drunk capacity currently
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
