I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
