I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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