It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize