I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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