I cockslap morals
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
