Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
