Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
