Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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