Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
