You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
