here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize