i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
