if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish my penis had an off switch
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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