i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
