how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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