Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
