Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
