The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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