i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
