my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
