I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
