I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize