Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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