We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
