i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize