I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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