her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
