I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
