so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
