i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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