when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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