Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
