Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
