hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
