just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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