Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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