Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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