Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
