I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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